


in a loop

by Wikluk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Injury, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Episode: s05e16 The Lawless, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mind Manipulation, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Psychological Torture, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29561313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wikluk/pseuds/Wikluk
Summary: Bo-Katan Kryze doesn't come to Obi-Wan's rescue in time, so Darth Maul has a plan and circumstances to take real revenge on his worst enemy.(or the Lawless AU)
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Darth Maul, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	in a loop

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, sweethearts! ♥
> 
> This story is the result of... I don't know what. By some coincidence, I had the idea of using an "event loop", something that happens whatever we do, so I decided to go with it...
> 
> I have changed the idea of what these visions would look like many times, but 1) I took the easy way and 2) I can't into drastic descriptions of violence, so it ended like this. I'm sorry.

“Do we kill him now, brother?” Savage looked away from the Jedi who was hugging the Duchess's body to look at his brother.

There was something strange in Maul's eyes. Some madness. Some euphoria. Joy. He stared straight ahead, hands clasped on the sides of the throne, leaning forward like an excited, impatient child. “No,” he said smoothly, leaning back. “Imprison him below. Let him drown in his misery.” 

Two Death Watch guards grabbed Obi-Wan by the arms and lifted him from the floor forcibly. As they walked to the door, the Jedi glanced over his shoulder at the still form of the Mandalorian Duchess, then quickly turned his head, looking forward.

Maul smiled and rose from his throne. He walked slowly down the stairs, staring all the time at the body lying on the floor. Savage stood beside him, eyeing his brother curiously.

“What are you planning?”

“The Duchess gave me an idea,” Maul muttered happily, then crouched down against the woman's body and gripped a strand of her blond hair between his fingers. “I wish she could see how she contributed to the downfall of her beloved Jedi,” he added, smiling broadly. He got up from the ground and waved his hand at some of the guards. “Bury her,” he said imperiously. “She was useful, after all.”

Then he looked at his brother and waved his hand at him. Savage obediently followed him, and they walked in silence for a moment until they reached one of the palace's many corridors. 

“What do you think, brother,” he began after a few minutes, the hint of a smile on his lips. “What could be worse than witnessing the death of a loved one?”

Savage frowned as he thought about the answer to his brother, but finally shrugged. “Your own death?”

“Oh no, not for a Jedi,” Maul replied, then stopped and looked his brother straight in the eye. “It will be worse to watch a loved one die again and again. And...” he broke off, looking at his brother with a twinkle in his eye. “There is absolutely nothing you can do.”

**x x x x x**

The Death Watch members escorted Obi-Wan to the same cell Satine had been freed from.

They seated him in the middle of the floor, handcuffed his hands–now crossed behind his back–and placed a collar around his neck that cut off his connection to the Force.

He was sitting alone now, in silence, without the whispers of the Force, but exposed to the whispers of his conscience that kept saying something to him.

He closed his eyes. He couldn't feel the Force, but all his senses were still there, and he could smell the remnants of the floral perfume Satine used.

He just sat motionless for a few long minutes, trying to silence his thoughts and fall into a state of meditation without the use of the Force, but once he thought he had calmed down, once he hoped his restless mind would quiet for a moment, the cell door opened out.

“Kenobi…” murmured a velvety voice. Obi-Wan didn't even flinch. “I thought a cell stay like this might be boring and you would like some entertainment,” he announced, circling Obi-Wan and facing him. “Like I would.”

“Then you were wrong,” he replied calmly, finally opening his eyes. “I'm not bored at all.”

“I had a different impression.” the Zabrak replied, kneeling in front of the Jedi. “I hope you will like my proposal.”

“I'm not interested,” he replied dryly, closing his eyes. 

Maul chuckled harshly. “It's enough that I'm interested. Very interested.” he rested his elbow on one of his mechanical legs and leaned forward. “Tell me, how many times have you dreamed of your Duchess?” he asked softly. “How many of these dreams have been destroyed with one Darksaber move?”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, staring at the Sith hard. “Why are you interested in this?”

“I'm interested,” Maul replied, running his darting eyes over the Jedi's face. “Because I'd like to add a few of these dreams to your collection. As a… gift.”

“How generous you are.” Obi-Wan sounded as calm as before. “Forgive me, I don’t accept gifts.”

“Ah,” Maul breathed, smiling again. “But I'm not asking you if you want this gift. I give it to you.”

And before Obi-Wan could answer, Maul put his hand to his forehead, and thousands of images flashed before the Jedi's eyes.

**x x x x x**

Obi-Wan awakened by the chirping of birds and the sound of water. He took a deep breath, inhaling the intense scent of flowers–the familiar scent of flowers. 

He heard a chuckle. He opened his eyes.

A pair of blue eyes stared at him, framed by fair, thick eyelashes.

“Satine,” he muttered softly, closing his eyes again. 

“Hey,” she muttered back, moving closer to his face. “The nap time is over.”

“One more minute,” he murmured, covering his eyes with his arm. 

Satine chuckled again. “Obi…” she began softly, touching his hair with her delicate fingers. “ Padmé said we should come back before sunset for dinner.”

“I'm not hungry,”

“Mhmm,” she hummed, gently lifting his arm from his face. “But I am. Get up.”

Obi-Wan sighed and finally rose to a sitting position. He shifted his shoulders, relaxing his muscles a bit, then looked at the woman sitting next to him with a lazy smile.

Satine was smiling warmly at him, her blue eyes glistening in the rays of the setting sun. She looked beautiful, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but lean toward her and kiss her smiling lips.

She gladly returned the kiss, and even brought one hand up to his face and pressed it against his cheek.

She moved away from him with a radiant smile. “Everything tastes different when we try it as married people,  _ cyar'ika _ .”

“Better?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Different,” she repeated cheerfully. “But is it better... You'd have to convince me to think so.”

“With pleasure,” he whispered, bringing their lips back together.

Satine tangled her hand in his hair, scratching the skin of his scalp with her gentle fingers. Obi-Wan could lose himself in the warmth that was flooding him now, in the love that squeezed his heart.

But then there was a strange noise, and Satine jerked violently and breathed against his mouth. But it wasn't a sigh of pleasure or contentment.

Her hand stopped ruffling his hair.

Obi-Wan moved away from her.

Satine stared at him with wide eyes and parted lips, but no words left them.

Obi-Wan gave her a worried look.

Suddenly his attention was drawn to a red stain growing on her pale dress on her right side. 

“No…” Obi-Wan looked around sharply, and somewhere in the distance, far above them, on one of the hills, he noticed a figure quickly retreating. Panic gripped his heart. “No, Satine!”

At that moment, Satine tumbled forward, falling straight into his arms. Her jerky, shallow breathing sounded like the loudest alarm in his ears. 

“Obi,” she muttered so softly he could barely hear her. “Obi…”

“Satine, hold on, you'll be fine, I'll take you…” he began quickly, but the figure in his arms was now more like a doll that he could arrange at will. “Satine, don't do this to me!”

“Obi…” she breathed even more quietly, breathing sharply, then loosened her grip on his legs.

“No, no, no!” he spoke frantically, pushing her away from him. Her head tilted back limp. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, listened to the Force, and found to his horror that he could no longer sense her signature. “No!”

He pressed her closely to his chest, though she could no longer return his embrace. 

**x x x x x**

As Obi-Wan opened his eyes, he found tears streaming down his cheeks and a pair of sickeningly yellow, bloodshot eyes staring straight at him.

He didn't know which frightened him more. That he had witnessed Satine's death again, even though only in a vision, or that he couldn't control himself in it. It was like watching a holomovie.

“Ah, beautiful Naboo.” Maul hummed sarcastically. “Perfect place for a honeymoon and a funeral too.”

“What do you want?” Obi-Wan tried to sound as firm as possible.

“I want to show you more beautiful scenes, Master Jedi,” he replied smoothly and with a proud smile he brought his fingers to Obi-Wan’s forehead again. 

**x x x x x**

Obi-Wan was pacing back and forth in a completely white, sterile corridor with his hands clasped behind his back.

“Slow down, Obi-Wan,” Anakin's voice was amused. “At this pace, you will trample a hole in this floor.”

Obi-Wan looked at him sharply, but when he heard a woman's scream from the room, he stopped and turned his head there nervously. 

“Calm down,” Padmé said warmly. “The labour is painful, it's true, but it just sounds so horrible. They'll let you in soon and– ”

She didn't finish because a medical droid had appeared at the hall door. Obi-Wan stared at it. 

“The patient asked for her husband,” he said in a mechanical voice. “Follow me, please.”

Obi-Wan entered the room without hesitation. The droid had thrown some sterile robe over him, which the Jedi put on hastily before rushing for the bed in the centre of the room. 

“Satine,” he said, sitting down beside the bed and taking her tiny hand. “I'm here, take it easy.”

He reached up to brush her hair away from the sweat-streaked face and noticed something was wrong the first time he touched her skin.

She was warm, but at the same time seemed to be somewhat cool. Besides, she was terribly pale–paler than usual, while such an effort should have the opposite effect.

She should be flushed.

Even her hand was lying strangely in his. Her fingers tightened on his palm, but without the strength, he would expect from a woman in pain.

Her lips were bluish, and her next scream became a sob interrupted by uneven, loud breaths. 

Something was wrong.

“Satine, what's going on?” he asked, kissing the back of her pale hand. “My dear…”

“Obi,” she wailed, with another sob. “Obi, it hurts…”

“I know, my darling,” he said, stroking her hair again. “Just a moment more and it will be over, Satine.”

“No…” she whispered, digging her fingers lightly into his hand.

Obi-Wan frowned, then turned to the droid. “What's wrong with her?”

“The patient has a slow pulse, but everything is under control.” the droid replied, then made a few sounds. “I can see the head. With the next contraction, you can start pushing.”

Obi-Wan looked at his wife's face, at her eyes that fade away under her lids, at her cheeks that were wet with sweat–or tears–and at her pale lips.

He brushed her hair from her forehead again, sending her waves of peace, warmth and love in the Force in the hope that it would at least slightly improve her well-being.

Another strong contraction ended in a deep groan and a gentle squeeze of his hand. 

Obi-Wan frowned. He had never witnessed childbirth before, so he didn't know what it should look like, but he was pretty sure it shouldn't affect Satine in this way.

She looked ghastly, as if every second was draining her vitality, and Obi-Wan thought for a moment that maybe the droid had got it wrong, maybe something was wrong– 

A desperate soft scream brought him out of his thoughts. Satine opened her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, and Obi-Wan wiped them quickly with his thumb.

“Not much longer, my dear,” he promised, stroking her face. “One moment more. You are so brave.”

“Obi-Wan,” she breathed. “I do not feel well.”

Obi-Wan looked at the droid again, this time more strictly. “What is wrong?”

“Everything is well,” the droid replied in his irritatingly mechanical voice. “I see the head. It's almost over.”

The next few contractions were not accompanied by screams, only choked, aching sobs.

Obi-Wan watched Satine's pale cheeks wet from tears and her lips trembling with each breath she took in.

“Push.” communicated the droid. “For the last time.”

It must have cost her a lot of strength, because she did not even lift her head when, after several seconds, the droid lifted a tiny newborn, still dirty with fluids, in its arms. 

“It's a boy.” the droid announced, then wiped the little body efficiently and handed Obi-Wan a wailing, moving baby wrapped in some towel.

The ex-Jedi stared at his son's face for a moment, then smiled at Satine, but quickly became concerned.

She watched him from under open eyelids, without a smile, without energy, breathing strangely.

“Obi,” she whispered, and he leaned toward her. “ _ Dinui, _ ” she added, her eyes flashing to the bundle in his hands. “Call him Dinui.”

_ Dinui _ . A gift.

“Satine,” he began, frowning. She met his eyes for a few seconds, blinking lazily until she no longer opened her eyes. “Satine?”

One of the machines began to howl.

“The patient's heart stopped.” announced the droid, moving quickly around the room. “We will proceed to resuscitation.”

The boy in his hands—their son—began to cry loudly, squirming even harder, but Obi-Wan could only watch in shock as the medical droid tried to restore the baby's mother’s heart to work.

The seconds dragged on. He felt as if he stood there for eternity, deaf to the cries of a child, deaf to the words of the droids, and only watching the inert, terrifyingly pale figure lying in the centre of the bed.

And only one sentence broke him from delirium. “Time of death, 1348.”

“No!”

**x x x x x**

As Obi-Wan's consciousness returned, he realized he had screamed, just like in a vision. A vision in which he could not control himself.

Maul chuckled seeing the horror on his face. “Relax, Kenobi,” he muttered in a velvety voice. 

“What do you want to achieve with this?” Obi-Wan snarled, staring at him with a frown. 

“What I want?” Maul leaned back slightly in mock surprise. “I want to see you fall. The fall of the perfect Jedi, the fall caused by... love.”

“You will gain nothing,” he hissed, though he lacked conviction. “Jedi don't focus on what might have been.”

“You think so?” Maul sounded curious. “I don't think you know enough about yourself, Jedi. You know too little about what is in your head and what you are trying to protect yourself from, but what you are showing me just like that,” he said, snapping his fingers. “These regrets, sorrows and opportunities that I have deprived you of. It's a pity. You and the Duchess could have quite nice children.” 

Obi-Wan winced slightly. “These are just meaningless visions.”

“You're wrong,” Maul replied, holding up his hand. “These are your dreams to which I threw... a bit of drama.” he smiled, putting his finger to the Jedi’s forehead. 

**x x x x x**

Obi-Wan was in a large ballroom full of people close to them, decorated with flowers, plants, lights, and figures.

Along the walls of the room, there were numerous tables at which creatures of different races gathered, but the one table in the centre attracted the most attention.

The table where the newlyweds and their best man and bridesmaid would soon be seated. 

Satine squeezed his hand and Obi-Wan tilted his head towards her. She gave him a broad smile which he immediately returned.

She looked beautiful with her hair down, a wreath of white flowers on her head, and a silver and blue dress with a long train hugging her body.

In the light provided by the hall, her eyes shone like the most expensive jewels. 

“Time for the first toast,” she said in a cheerful voice, sending a smile to the guests gathered around them.

Ahsoka was coming to them with a tray of glasses, Anakin and Padmé on either side of her, looking at the newlyweds with great joy written on their faces.

Ahsoka stopped in front of them and raised the tray higher. “The golden glasses are for Anakin and Padmé.” she announced cheerfully. “And the silver ones are for you. You will recognize them by their stems.”

Satine reached into a glass which stem was a silver lily.

Obi-Wan picked up the other one which stem looked like a lightsaber. He smiled. “Whose idea was that?”

“Padmé’s.”

“Anakin’s.”

They said at once, then looked at each other. 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “Ours,” she explained, smiling amusedly. “Padmé gave an idea, Anakin suggested patterns, I commissioned it.”

“Thank you,” Satine replied, squeezing Obi-Wan’s hand and looking at their friends. “It's a great gift.”

“Not the only one,” Anakin suggested, smiling slightly. “But that's later. Now toast.”

He and Padmé took their glasses. Ahsoka handed the tray to some waitress and took her glass and what looked like the equivalent of some microphone. 

Anakin stood next to Obi-Wan, Padmé in turn next to Satine, and they all turned to face the crowd.

Ahsoka stood on the side so that she had a good view between the guests and the main couples of the evening, then brought the microphone to her mouth. “My name is Ahsoka Tano and today I am honoured to offer the first toast at the wedding of this newly married couple,” she announced with a smile, pointing to them with her glass. “I don't think I will say anything revealing when I say:  _ finally _ !”

There was a lot of laughter in the room and several people applauded. Ahsoka gave them an amused smile. 

“But we are not going to talk today about the amount of time wasted by these stubborn two,” she replied sweetly, still smiling broadly. “I am so happy to witness this moment,” she said honestly. “I've known Obi-Wan for five years. In the Jedi Order, he was my master’s master, and we were an unbeatable trio. I could always count on him. He’d always give me a word of encouragement, a piece of good advice, he’d share life wisdom. He was someone who filled Anakin Skywalker's gaps.”

“Hey!” Anakin interjected indignantly. Padmé chuckled.

“I had known Satine before I met her in person.” she smiled suggestively, glancing at the two Jedi standing behind her. “Anakin kept talking about her. If I hadn't known he was Padme's husband and if I hadn't witnessed Satine and Obi-Wan's wedding today, I would have said Anakin is in love with the Duchess.”

Satine laughed, and Obi-Wan looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. Anakin blushed slightly, even though he was grinning at the crowd.

“In fact, Anakin was so involved in their relationship that he commented on their every interaction like the scene of his favourite holoseries,” she said somewhat conspiratorially, causing more laughter. “But I'm not here to talk about my Master's quirks,” she replied, turning to the two pairs. “Obi-Wan. Satine,” she said, lowering her head. “I would like to extend my best wishes to you once again. May the Force–and Anakin's enthusiasm–be with you always.”

She raised her glass, as many in the room did, then put it to her mouth and drank all of its contents.

After a while, the waitress appeared next to them and collected glasses on a tray. 

Ahsoka turned to the guests. “Time for the first dance of our lovebirds.”

Anakin, Padmé and Ahsoka retreated to the crowd, leaving Satine and Obi-Wan alone. 

Obi-Wan turned to face his wife. He grabbed her hand, placed a kiss on it, then pressed their hands together as he gripped her waist with his other hand. Satine placed her hand on his back, stepping close enough to him that their bodies were touching each other.

After a few seconds, music began in the hall and Obi-Wan began to lead them in the dance.

They were floating on the dance floor, only looking into each other's eyes, not paying attention to what was happening around them.

Satine stared at him with a tender smile on her pink lips, and Obi-Wan was looking fondly at her, unable to tear his gaze away from her blue, glittering eyes.

He pushed her away from him to spin her on the dance floor, then pulled her back.

Satine returned into his arms with grace and a soft cough. 

“Are you all right?” he asked, frowning.

“Yes,” she replied, clearing her throat. “My throat feels a bit scratchy, I think I'm allergic to one of these flowers,” she added, pointing with her chin at the surrounding decorations. 

“It's good that our table is at the door to the terrace then,” he replied with a smile. “You'll have plenty of fresh air.”

Satine smiled.

They swirled around the room to the slow, charming music, making more turns that made the train of her dress spin around their legs.

Obi-Wan pushed her away again, this time twirling her around him several times.

When he pulled her back, she sniffed.

“Runny nose?”

“It must be a severe allergy,” she replied, rubbing the tip of her nose lightly with her fingers. 

Obi-Wan stopped abruptly as he saw a drop of blood slowly pouring from her nose. 

“Satine,” he began in a slightly nervous voice. “You're bleeding.”

“What?” she rubbed her nose once more, and now there was a red streak on her fingers. “Oh.”

“Let's go to the refresher.”

“Let's finish the dance—” she trailed off, covering her mouth with her hand as a sudden cough escaped her throat. When she removed her hand, there were hundreds of tiny red droplets on the skin. “Oh,” she repeated, her voice now also slightly nervous.

Obi-Wan grabbed her arm and started leading her towards the refreshers. 

Suddenly Satine paused as another spike of coughing struck her. Now the blood trickled down her face and with each cough, it fell on her hands, skin, and dress. 

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan screamed in frustration, glancing at his friend. “Anakin, find a medical droid!”

“What's happening?!” the younger Jedi replied, approaching them with Ahsoka and Padmé right behind him. 

Satine gripped his arm tightly as she started coughing again, this time so hard and loud she couldn't breathe. 

Obi-Wan now stands in front of her, his hands clasped on her shoulders. He pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of his robe, but it was very quickly stained with blood.

Obi-Wan had a terrible thought.

“It's not an allergy,” he began fearfully, and Satine looked at him with equal horror. 

“Poison,” she gasped, coughing again.

She was breathing with increasing difficulty. Obi-Wan leaned down to grab her under her knees and back and picked her up. “Relax, we'll find some antidote soon.”

Her face paled significantly. Beads of sweat appeared on her forehead, and the blood only completed the terrifying picture.

Obi-Wan ran through the corridors of Sundari Palace. He was halfway to the medical wing when Satine's strange wheezing snapped him out of his trance.

“Obi-Wan, you know I love you,” she said softly, between uneven breaths. “Don't ever forget that.”

Obi-Wan swallowed loudly. He didn't like the tone of her voice that almost sounded like a goodbye. “I will not forget because you will have plenty of opportunities to tell me this.”

“Mhm,” she muttered, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“Don't close your eyes,” he demanded, adjusting his grip a little. “Talk to me.”

“I can't,” she croaked and started coughing again, quieter now, but no less terrible. “I have no strength.”

“You are strong,” he reminded more to himself than to her. “You can do it.”

However, in response, she coughed again, panting loudly as the coughing subsided. Obi-Wan had heard such a sound more than once–a sound made by someone struggling to breathe.

He could see the medical wing door in front of him and he opened it using the Force, rushing inside to be greeted by the droids. 

“She was poisoned,” he growled, stepping into the nearest room and laying her on the bed. “Give her something!”

“What was that poison?” the droid asked. 

“I do not know!” Obi-Wan said fervently.

“Did she drink a lot of it?” 

“I do not know!” he repeated desperately. “The poison was in the champagne glass.”

He looked back at Satine and noticed that her eyes were closed. Blood was still flowing from her nose and parted lips. Obi-Wan leaned over her face. He turned his cheek. He couldn't feel her breath.

“Satine!” he began in terror, grabbing her cheeks between his hands and focusing on the Force. 

He felt nothing.

Anakin ran into the room just as Obi-Wan let out a choked sob.

**x x x x x**

“Ah,” Maul muttered, trying to look sad. “And it could have been such a beautiful wedding... The toast was so cute... The dance looked like from a holomovie…”

“Stop it,” Obi-Wan growled, looking at him angrily. 

“Why? Don't you enjoy it as much as I do?” he asked, smiling slightly. “Such a pity. I thought you would like it.” he sighed. “By the way, it's very interesting that whatever you do, the Duchess is dying because of you.”

Obi-Wan was looking at him, not quite understanding what Zabrak meant. At his surprised expression, Maul's smile widened.

“Just think about it. The first time she was shot because she had betrayed the traditions of her people by marrying you. The second time, if she had not been pregnant, she would not have died in childbirth. On the third... If you had been faster, they would have had time to give her the antidote.”

And although Obi-Wan knew these were only visions that had no chance of coming true because Satine was already dead, a voice in the back of his head began repeating Maul's words, and within seconds Obi-Wan heard the mantra being repeated. 

_ It's your fault _ .

It was his fault. If he hadn't loved Satine, had he not been attached to her, Maul would not have made her his target in taking revenge on him. Satine would be alive. Maybe she would have a family of her own and many more years of rule ahead of her.

His love killed her.

A love he had no right to feel.

“I would even feel sorry for you,” Maul said suddenly, and Obi-Wan had the unpleasant feeling that the Sith was reading all his thoughts. “But it is much better to watch you suffer.”

When he raised his hand to his forehead again, the Jedi didn't even have the strength to open his eyes.

**x x x x x**

In the fourth vision, Obi-Wan didn't manage to stop Satine from entering their bedroom where someone had planted a bomb. 

The sight of her blood staining the remnants of the walls haunted him every time he closed his eyes.

**x x x x x**

In the fifth vision, they were attacked and Satine kidnapped as they were returning to her apartment on Coruscant after a date at the Opera.

The kidnappers gave him hope.

They sent information and directions.

They wanted the money that Padmé was willing to lend him.

He did everything according to their will. 

He was ready for any negotiation.

He found Satine when it was too late.

She was lying on the bed, on the flower petals, her hands folded across her belly, just like the Princess of the opera they were watching.

The Princess of the opera was saved by the Prince's kiss.

There was no rescue for Satine.

**x x x x x**

The seventh, eighth, and ninth visions were increasingly cruel.

It started calmly. Obi-Wan and Satine were happy. Her eyes gleamed with the smile that lined her lips.

He felt a warmth in his heart every second he looked at her.

And then something happened.

Bounty hunter. Death Watch. Accident. 

**x x x x x**

As Maul removed his hand from his face, Obi-Wan did not attempt to hide the fact that he was crying.

The Zabrak watched him for a moment, that satisfied smile on his lips. “Your tears are such a delightful sight,” he said softly. “I feel your pain, Kenobi. Your guilt. Your anger. Anger at yourself. And hate.” he muttered with satisfaction. “Oh, hate, such a beautiful, powerful feeling. You hate yourself.”

Obi-Wan couldn't deny it. If he hadn't loved Satine, she would have been  _ alive _ .

_ She was dead  _ because he loved her.

His love got her  _ killed _ .

“Pathetic.” Maul's voice was suddenly disgusted. “You're pathetic, Kenobi. Where is your strength? Where is the determination with which you stripped me of my legs after the death of your Master?” he dreamed, getting up and circling him. “If I hadn't seen what's on your mind, I'd say that the poor woman died in vain because you don't even have enough strength to avenge her. Pathetic.”

He stopped behind the Jedi, then grabbed his hair and tilted his head hard. “You may not hate me, Kenobi,” he growled, digging his nails into his scalp. “But self-hatred will never leave you. You will feel it for the rest of your life. You will regret your decisions and mistakes for the rest of your days. You will suffer because you are a pathetic creature.”

He released his head and walked towards the door. After it closed behind him, he stood in front of the cell, giving the Jedi one last look. “And she…  _ Your dear Satine _ … will always be somewhere in the back of your head. And I hope that every time you think about her, you will also think about how unfortunate she was that you were the one who loved her and who she loved.”

**x x x x x**

Obi-Wan couldn't remember the last time he cried. He couldn't remember the last time he had succumbed to his emotions.

However, the visit that Maul paid him overwhelmed him.

He didn't know how to react, so he gave up to emotions.

Tears ran down his face for long minutes as he mentally and aloud begged Satine's forgiveness, knowing she would never get an answer.

Maul was right. 

Obi-Wan felt hatred and, surprisingly, not for Satine's killer, but himself.

It was a feeling eating him inside. Bringing real memories to blend with dreams that never had a chance to come true again, and with Maul's visions.

He couldn't hear the whispers of the Force, but he could feel the whispers of his own conscience.

It told him the same.

_ It is your fault. _

_ Your love killed her. _

When Bo-Katan–Satine's sister, as it turned out–found and released him a few hours later, he felt no relief, just a heavy, tight feeling of guilt that had beautiful, oceanic eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be happy for any feedback you give! ♥


End file.
